Sorry for My Disgusting Absence...but I've been Undercover!

Good Lord, I should be shot with a ball of my own shit for going this long without blogging. I really don't have any excuse, but I'm going to try and come up with one anyway. (It's not a lie if YOU believe it, right??)

Anyway, for three weeks in March I got the chance to "go undercover" and work a plebian job at a new business supply store setting up shop in the area. I don't want to really tell you who it is exactly, for fear of a punishing lawsuit,  so we'll just call it "Graples."

I actually was chosen to help set up the new store, for the grand sum of $8.75 an hour. I found the whole experience interesting and eye-opening for several reasons, all of which I plan to share here, so go top up your coffee, OK?

Alright, I have to confess to not having worked retail since the days when I was busy re-bagging expired deli meat at a supermarket at the age of 16. So this was almost new to me. I also don't remember the last time I worked for that little money. But I was bored and needed some excitement, so whatevs.

When I arrived I was instantly puzzled by the insanely diverse range of humanity that had been signed on for this little gig. We had everything from a heavily tattooed chap with ADHD to a man who just did two tours of duty in Afghanistan, a girl who was so stupid and lisped so bad I only understood every third sentence, and an older gentleman with severe hernias who played with swords amd was suspicious of everyone and everything. And then, there was me.

Now, if there is one thing I hate more than anything, it's people who treat me like I'm stupid. The folks in charge of this little wing-ding got off on the wrong foot with me right from the start by treating me like a drooling moron. (Too be fair though, they treated everyone that way.) I resented the assumption that just cuz we were stocking shelves for minimum wage, our parents must have been cousins. Take a lesson, Graples: Not always so.

At any rate, they eventually figured out that my brain did more than occupy skull space, and I ended up the store darling, called upon for my anal-retentive merchandising genius, along with my ability to count well.

I did, however, totally fail at putting sticky black lines straight up and down on the shelves. I was told that 75% of my lines were in fact crooked, (much like myself, I might add.)

The whole experience taught me that not only can I wield a box-cutter like a homicidal psychopath, I also have a future in shelf-stocking should I ever give up my day job. The only really bad part was my poor widdle hands: My cuticles ended up like raw meat, and my nails are only now beginning to grow out.

ANYWAY, moving on to something margianlly food related:

I am offcially launching my nutrition consulting business on May 3rd!

Clicking on the link above will take you to my brand new website, designed for yours truly by a local twelth-grader, (so keep that in mind, OK? Me too poor to hire professionals...)

Although I don't overtly bill myself as a vegetarian consultant, my evil plan is to ultimately lead just about everyone I can down that path, because I truly believe, after much study and personal experience, that it is the healthiest diet on the planet.

That being said, I also started a new blog, which will enable me to add content to my site without having to screw with the much more complicated programming of the site itself. It's located here:

http://www.yourbestlifenutrition.blogspot.com/

It's just getting started, and will address issues that non-vegetarians are facing when it comes to food choices, so please be aware of that before you send me angry emails asking why I'm talking about eggs and shit. Gotta speak to everyone out there or I risk having this venture tank badly.

LASTLY, I now have my every own FACEBOOK GROUP! YeeHaw!

You can find it by looking up Your Best Life! Nutrition and Lifestyle Coaching in Facebook. I would now most humbly ask that all of you fine folks who don't hate me and wish me to succeed in my plan of vegan world-domination to please join my group. It does not matter that you live in Timbuktu, I want you anyway! When the business launches in two weeks, I would love for new clients to see my bulging Fan List and think, "Holy Shit! This chick must be on to something if people in Timbuktu are lovin' it!"

Anyway, I promise to update more in the future. I've been thinking lately about such diverse subjects as finance, drivers over sixty-five and yeast infections, so tune in for that.

Until then, peace and puppies to you all...:0)