The Post in Which My Commenters Take a Turn for the Weird....

Ok, you all know how farking lousy I am at answering comments. I hate myself for it. Well....the situation doesn't exactly keep me up at night, but I definitely am contrite, I assure you. Contrite enough to now take a moment to address some of your recent questions to me, even though I have to say the comments I receive are getting weirder and weirder.

But before I begin, I want to show you this picture of a bag of fingerling potatoes, which I scored for a mere buck forty-nine at the local Quickie Mart. This will become relevant later, so file this information away for the near future.

Now, on to the comments! I find it especially difficult to address questions left on posts made when I was far younger and my breasts sagged much less. But I got this little nugget from Cindi recently on a post I did on pound cake back during the Carter administration:

*****

"I discovered your blog when looking for a vegan pound cake recipe and the bloomingplatter blog sent me to you! I am making it for a friend's birthday and wondered if it would work to bake it in round cake pans? Is there a way to make it into a more traditional b-day cake shape? "

Well Cindi, I have no fucking idea. I've always been content to nosh on it the way it's found in nature, in a nice sexy rectangular shape. I don't know if rounding it up will help matters, but please feel free to try and let me know how that worked out for ya.

*****

And this question from Claudi on my seitan turkey:

"Hi there, this looks amazing! I know you posted this forever ago, but could I bother you to ask if you baked it covered or uncovered? Thanks & can't wait to try it! "

Claudia, thanks for asking. I cover that sucker up with tinfoil to keep all the hot, sweaty juices in the pan where they belong. Actually, I almost always make this now in a big tomato juice can lined with tinfoil, then covered with the foil. Makes the cheescloth unecessary, so I can use it for other purposes, like tying up my husband.

*****

This here question kinda threw me for a loop:

 

"Any idea how credit crunch affected porn?"

 

Hmmmm....I hadn't really given that much thought. I've been too busy trying to solve the energy crisis. But now that you mention it, the chicks seems to be older, their vagina's floppier, and I think the producers are spending less cash on hair removal. Hell, I saw a clip the other day that looked like it was filmed in a nursing home rec room. All signs of an industry in crisis.  Which helpfully leads in to the next comment I received:

 

*****

http://www.lisanovalive.com/profiles/blogs/free-old-pussy-clips free old pussy clips

http://www.lisanovalive.com/profiles/blogs/free-old-woman-sex-clips free old woman sex clips

http://www.lisanovalive.com/profiles/blogs/free-old-xxx-clips free old xxx clips

SEE??? It's all about the wrinkles and the geriatric pucker nowadays. Why is some anonymous person desperately trying to tempt me to watch Geezer Porn? Some questions really have no satisfying answer. I can only guess that all the hot porn stars are making a living doing something more demeaning, like salting the french fries at McDonalds.

*****

"Good fill someone in on and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you on your information"

 

I have no fucking idea what this is supposed to mean. I can only assume some foreign student is doing his dissertation on how talentless, rude bloggers with a better-than-average grasp on profanity can get away with saying the shit that I do, and still make enough money off it to order retarded novelties through the mail for my children. Good luck with that, buddy.

*****

 

"Thank u :) you should look at this emo boy one on this blog:

http://www.emo--boys.info"

No thank you, Anonymous. First of all, if I want to see an emo boy all I have to do is look out my front window and watch the teenagers walking to school. Nothing particularly attractive about scabby-ass, sullen, black-haired wastes of space with bad dye jobs and more eyeliner than a two-dollar hooker. Not only that, I'm sure if I click on your little link there, I'll instantly be the proud new owner of a hateful foreign virus certain to wipe out all my data and set my hard drive on fire. So thanks, but no thanks.

*****

Time for just one more:

"Ok, I've been hearing different things from everyone about this new monthly rate for the new iphone 3gs. I'd like the get the iphone 3gs 32gb which is $300 I want unlimited texting which I hear is $20 and I want unlimited data which is I hear $30 the activation fee I hear is $18 So.. excluding the new phone price and the activation fee, how much would the normal monthly fee be with those requirements?"

I don't fucking know what this is all about. I love how the spam now seems to be worded in such a way that you have to do a double take, cuz it looks like it's from a friend instead of a dirty, overseas goat-poker with nothing better to do than fill my inbox with steaming piles of virtual horseshit. Go poke your goat and leave me alone, OK?

*****

OK, that's all I have time for at the moment. I have to go shower and then get busy turning these fingerlings into something classy and edible.

This is the first time ever in life that I have purchased these little spuddy nuggets, and I must say that they look like giant multicoloured suppositories. I haven't yet decided what I'm going to do with them, but I'm sure that whatever I come up with will be damn classy, because that's just how I roll. Actually, I can't lie. I'm not even using them today, because I'm forcing my husband at gunpoint to take me out to supper. I just needed some sort of picture to liven this post up (like I said, not gonna lie) and I also feel the need to mention food now and then, considering this started as a food blog and if I don't mention food I'll lose the fifteen bucks a month I get from Foodbuzz. Can't have that happen...:0) I need that cash for novelties.

 

Until tomorrow, peeps....Peace and Potatoes!