Out the Door Wit Ya, Effing Gluten!

So, today's Monday. I just love Mondays...every successful project I've ever had has started on a Monday, so let's hope this one is no different.

It's like this: Me and my better half are giving up gluten for at least three weeks.

There. I've said it and now I can't take it back. I know, it's the last thing you'd expect from me, considering how much time I've spent over the last three years making seitan. (I've spent more money on gluten than I have on entertainment). But I have long suspected that my husband's troubles are related to a gluten sensitivity, and I wanted to find out. Unfortunately my husband is extremely fond of his gluten and was resistant to the idea. (Think mule.) But finally, his skin troubles have worsened to the point that his misery will not allow him to not co-operate.

Check out this disgusting pic.....this is what the front of his shins look like, and they've looked like that almost the entire time I've known him. Actually, it's looking pretty good today....just a week ago though it was oozing fluid and was half raw.

The only time this ever got better was about ten years ago when he was taking very powerful drugs to try and alleviate his Crohn's disease. He had to stop taking the drugs, though, due to extreme nausea. Clearly, the appearance of his skin is directly related to what's going on inside.

So, he's going to give the whole no-gluten thing a shot, and since I could use a good detox myself, I'm going to do it with him. I'm actually moist with excitement about it, and my head is just about bursting with all kinds of mischief I can get into in the kitchen.

Like yesterday. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, and I know from experience that the quickest way to blow a food plan is to get crazy with cravings and give in. So, although we're going to try and stick to whole foods like vegetables, nuts, seeds, etc, every once in a while a person just has to have a cookie.

So yesterday I baked up a big batch of gluten-free chocolate chip cookies and put them in the freezer for just such a craving.

And, I whipped up some white rice bread using a mix from Kingsmill, which I've used before and liked a lot.

My nost daughter just couldn't help herself and managed to grab three cookies while I was distracted, and proceeded to tell me that they are JUST DELICIOUS, MOM.

She then insisted she needed to toast up a slice of the bread for breakfast, just to taste-test it, ya know? Her review on the bread was "it's better than just eating the spread off your hand, cuz that would be sticky. It's like a spread-conveyance device."

High praise, indeed. Certainly not as tasty as our usual bread, but it fills a void.

Breakfast on Day One consisted of fruit salad, using what I happened to have on hand, which wasn't a hell of a lot: Bananas, pineapple, and apple and a can of mandarin oranges.

This breakfast left my husband decidedly sour. When I gently asked what was wrong (in my usual kindly way) he advised me never to put fucking mandarin oranges in anything he eats, ever again. And what was I thinking using a ripe banana? Don't I know that he likes his bananas green as grass and hard as hell?

Ahem. I told him where he could put his bananas and we moved on with our day.

We washed the fruit down with a simple green drink, consisting of spinach, pinapple and orange juice, (my fave combo.)

I've made this smoothie a zillion times, but something just wasn't right about it today. This conversation ensued:

Me: "There's something wrong with this smoothie. It tastes weird. I can't place it."

Bob: "I can tell you what it is. It tastes like mud. It has an aftertaste of dirt."

Me: (Nodding sagely.) "Well, that will teach me to buy expired spinach off the discount rack. Oh well, it's like Gillian McKeith says, you just have to drink it, you don't have to like it."

At this point I slurp up the rest of my smoothie in one long suck, including the gooey sediment on the bottom, and then I proceed to very nearly vomit it all back in my glass. Not even kidding. It was all I could do to keep it down. In fact, I'm getting a little queasy reliving that moment....next topic!

So, we're off to a slightly shaky start but I feel confident. Check back tomorrow and I'll fill you in on the rest of today's adventures. I'm off to town to locate sorghum flour, which I've never heard of before but I'm sure will be just lovely.

Peace!