Day Two Starts with a Bang, Ends with a Rash...

No really, it really did start with a bang. Not that that is in any way your business, however.

Yesterday, as I had predicted, I felt the need to make crackers. Not just any crackers, but a nice slew of cheez and jalapeno crakcers. My daughter has been nagging me to make some, so I figured maybe I'd oblige but force her to enjoy them gluten-free.

Unfortunately, I could not seem to find any one recipe that seemed to match what I wanted and also what I had on hand. Because here's what I've discovered already: Gluten-free recipes seem to involve an astronomical amount of different flours, potions and ground up thingies, most of which seem to require a hunting expedition at the supermarket, many of which cost more than my last dental appointment, and a lot of which seem to be absolutely integral to one, (but only one) recipe that I'm desperate to make. And even those ingrediants I WAS lucky enough to posess were usually required in an amount that staggered me sideways and rendered my little stash of said item all but useless.

Check out this by-no means exhaustive static display I just ran out in the kitchen and created:

This does not even include all the flours I have in unattractive, unphotogenic plastic bags from the Bulk Barn.

So I cheated a little. Although I know about as much about gluten-free baking as say, my cat Stanley, I've never let ignorance stop me before! So I decided to combine this cracker recipe from the Vegan Lunchbox along with some basic tips from this cookbook:

This is a lovely book, obviously well written and well researched. I am sure that this lady has done her homework. I'm also equally sure that she was a Trust Fund baby, because I am so not lying when I say it would cost you thousands of dollars to whip up the breads in this here book. And again, most recipes involve a laundry list of pricey, hard to find shit along with a heaping dose of animal products. (Most recipes involve eggs and/or gelatin. Uh-Uh. Not gonna go there, gelatin....

So I took a deep breath, surveyed what I had and plunged in. And it turned out OK!

Now, I could tell you what I put in these, but I hate to repeat a recipe that involved a whole bunch of alien powders that I suspect you don't have and will never use again. Not only that, although they turned out just fine, I suspect that there's nothing all that sponge-worthy about them.

I used my handy-dandy new fish cookie cutter to make some widdle fishies....(although actually, once I really looked at it I realized that it was actually a whale...)

I had a hard time getting the fluke to stay on, so halfway through I decided to go with the much easier flower.... They looked so tempting in the sunlight that I couldn't help but have a nibble..

So, yes, methinks that this recipe was a success despite the fact they have more of a sugar-cookie-esque texture than a crispy one. I may rework my formula to be a helluva a lot simpler and post it someday. In the meantime, at least I have something to dunk in my soup for the next few days!

And speaking of soup....I used a can of Hominy (yes, I bought Hominy again) and used it to make a biggish pot of chili for supper. It was, as they say, divine. Sure, I could have plated it nicely and made it look oh-so alluring in the fading fall sunset...but I said fuck it, it's been a long day. I slopped it in plastic containers and moved on.

SOOOO, is the gluten-free thing having any effect at all?? Well, I did develop a very itchy rash last evening up and down my arms. It feels like a brigade of fire ants are having their annual picnic up my sleeves. Could be a detox effect, could be that I'm about to die from some tragic and unusual disease. Only time will tell...in the meantime I soldier on.

BTW..In response to all your comments, no, I don't salt my beans when I cook 'em, and yes, I am actually somewhat deathly afraid of pressure cookers. I keep imagining them malfunctioning and blowing my eyeballs out the back of my head. I think perhaps I'll maintain the status quo for now....But thanks for the tips everyone!

Peace!