I Sure Do Love to Say "Keen-Wah!" and Scrub my ass with a stick...

I love cooking with quinoa. I love the fact that it looks like a whole big bunch of tiny condoms when it's cooked. Very sexy. I love the fact that it's a complete protein and is gonna make my ass cheek muscles strong and healthy, which I will sure need on my upcoming hike and also for marathon sessions in the sack. And I sure do like to puzzle the fuck out of average folks who look at me when I mention it like I just jetted in from the planet Zoltar.

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So, without further ado I give you a muffin that's not too terribly taxing for the pantry challenged, is trans-fat free and lower in sugar than most recipes, has lots of fibre and other good shit, and most of all, allows you to cook with keen-wah and feel fucking superior to lesser mortals. (As I myself felt yesteday.) Bon Appetit!

Quinoa Oat Blueberry Muffins

Makes one dozen

First, cook one cup of quinoa. 1/3 cup of raw quinoa makes just over one cup cooked. First, rinse in cold water to remove the bitter coating on the seeds. Mix with one cup hot water and a pinch of salt. Simmer, covered, for about fifteen minutes until water was absorbed. Turn off burner and allow to sit until quinoa is cool. Measure out exactly one cup quinoa for this recipe.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a small bowl mix:
1 cup soymilk (full-fat works best)
1 tsp lemon juice or white vinegar
Allow to sit until the milk is soured, about 10 minutes.

In a large bowl, mix:
1/3 cup oil
2/3 cup white sugar
Beat. Then stir in:
1 cup cooked quinoa
The 1 cup soured soymilk
1 tsp vanilla
½ tsp salt
1 cup oats
1/3 tsp cinnamon
1 cup whole wheat flour
½ cup white flour

Then fold in:
1 cup blueberries

Scoop batter into paper liners. Bake for 22 minutes at 350 degrees. Allow to cool on a wire rack.

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WELL HELLO! Now that you have a hot little muffin in one hand a glass of scotch in the other, settle in for just a minute and ponder the fact that you've been wiping your ass with your hand all these years and it SOOO wasn't necessary. Santa, I want one of these for Christmas.