A Traditional Marriage
So, I was having this conversation with a co-worker yesterday on the subject of cars. To be more specific, my helplessness when it comes to cars. I am unable to change a tire, check the oil, and do anything under the hood any more technical than topping up the windshield washer fluid. (And even then I can't be certain that I wouldn't pour it into the brake fluid receptacle...)
Basically, when it comes to cars, I know how to get in and turn the key. If it works, wonderful! If it doesn't, I'm calling a cab. My friend expressed disbelief at my auto-stupidity, to which I replied, that's because my husband and I have a very traditional marriage. I choose not to deal with cars, because my husband does that.
And I got to thinking about it. Hubby and I, for all that we both pride ourselves on our open-mindedness, have settled into a marriage that somewhat resembles a couple from the fifties.
He goes off to work dressed in a three piece suit and carrying a briefcase, I stay home in my pearls and pumps, make canapes and take tranquilizers.
HAHA, not quite, (but that's kinda how I picture marriage in that era.) But truly, we're pretty traditional in the sense that:
-When we get home from work together, it's understood that it will be ME getting dinner on the table.
-When there's a bump in the night and someone has to investigate, you don't even need to ask who's getting out of bed to investigate. (Him.)
-When the lawn needs to be whipper-snipped, or kindling needs to be cut, or someone needs to change a lightbulb, ninety percent of the time it will be B0b.
-When a child is vomiting in the night, or a kid needs cupcakes for a school function, if a gift has to be bought for a birthday party or pants need to be ironed, ninety percent of the time it will be me who does it.
It doesn't mean I can't cut kindling, and it doesn't mean Bob can't whip up a mean pot of pasta, just that we are happiest in those traditional roles. I think some folks might see that as quaint or as a sign that I somehow don't see myself as equal, but I disagree. (I feel more than equal; I feel superior.) HAHAHA
But now I'm curious... for you married folks out there in Blogland, how do you break down the duties and chores of married life? Is it somewhat like mine, or is it your hubby frosting the cupcakes while you change the spark plugs? I'm curious, so drop me a comment.
In other news, I came up with an ass-kicking veggie burger recipe on the weekend....seriously the best homemade veggie burger I've ever had, and I've eaten a few.
If you want the recipe, you're going to have to check out my local blog at South Shore Now. (The list of blogs is down the left-hand side.) I have my reasons for not posting this recipe here, and I'll let you know later on in life.
Peace!
13 comments:
Through a strange set of circumstances (my travel schedule etc.) when I first met my guy he was under the impression that I couldn't cook. He cooked wonderful dinners. Once life got back to normal in a few weeks he was amazed to find out that I'm a good cook. He seemed to forget that he knew how to cook after that.
We're traditional in the same way you describe now.
My DH and I have pretty traditional roles too. Except that I relocate spiders that have found their way into the house, as DH has arachnophobia. Also we share house cleaning, as apparently he has higher standards than yours truly.
Those veggie burgers look great!
Ya know, it's kind of funny you mention the Traditional Marriage Roles thing . . . I was just thinking about this the other day!
B and I have been married 15 years (yay!), and with a few exceptions (I'm a bit handier with tools and am more motivated to do things like hang up towel racks and pictures; he cleans the toilets and other bathroom bits; the yardwork is generally shared equally), we also have kind of fallen into some "traditional" habits, especially when it comes to the kitchen -- 99% of the time I am the one who cooks or otherwise gets us fed, and I also do most of the cleanup (grrr).
I work barely part time and my husband works full time. That leaves me to do all the cooking and nearly all the cleaning around the house. We don't have any children yet but I'm pretty sure that I will be the one who ends up with most of the child care duties too. Some people have applauded me for not working since I don't have to and some people have gotten just mad that I don't. I think it's what works for us though so its not really anyone else's business.
you're right, we share these chores in the same way. it's partly our choice, but partly it has to do with being brought up in a world with traditional gender roles. so, even if we choose to take on certain household tasks, our choices are connected to what the traditional roles of male/ female should do in the house... dilemmas, dilemmas... :)
Our roles are pretty traditional here. He works, I'm home with the babies. He does all the outside work, I do the inside. I cook, he takes care of the cars. We share the laundry. It works for us.
The veggie burgers look amazing!
We are like you guys and it works for us. But we both know I can balance a checkbook and he can change the sheets!
Good luck with the surgery tomorrow.
Those burgers look great! And I love that you talk about poop on your other blog too...you are hilarious!
Courtney
I have one of those old fashioned marriages too. Mr UnVeg gets up in the night to the bumps, he mows the lawn, he takes out the garbage and moves the heavy furniture. He goes to work, I'm still an at home Mum for now even though the kids started school at the start of the year.
The kitchen is mostly my domain along with the pets and most kid-ly duties, minus the nighttime vomiting because I am a vomit-a-phobe and he works at a hospital and is not so he takes care of those (ewww!).
Now onto a more pleasant topic, plus to prevent myself writing you an essay on my married life, those burgers look delicious!
I think LB and I have a pretty traditional type marriage as well, for the most part. While I can and do change my own flat tires there are some things I dont do. He mows the lawn, I cook, he takes out the trash and I clean up kitty barf.
Though some chores we do split as equally as possible, like housework. While he never scours a bathroom, he will vacuum the carpets. I think it is more important to work out individual methods that work for each couple rather than try to adhere to some outdated or unattainable ideal. So if everyone is happy, then its all good!
Just living in sin myself, but of course I feel like I do everything! 99% laundry, 95% yardwork, 50% cooking, 50% oil changes (we do our own cars but sometimes if I buy his oil he'll do my Jeep... the money ain't combined all the way yet), 80% cleaning, 80% grocery getting... I guess he does all the contractor/fixing stuff (since he is a contractor) and he shares cooking and kitchen cleaning, but I help with painting and other unskilled things.
You know, I think the cleaning issue (or just about any of them) boils down to who gets annoyed first and then JUST DOES IT. My threshold for annoyance at living in filth etc seems a whole lot lower than his!
Those burgers look YUMMY.
We've been together 10 years and have finally settled into a routine. I cook and shop. He does his own laundry and all the linens. He dusts, vacuums and cleans the hardwood floors (so I would stop whining about doing it). He cleans up after dinner. I clean the bathrooms and kitchen. He takes care of the car. No yard work as we live in a condo. Oh, he also takes care of the bird and cat. I think I'll keep him!
Diane
We don't really have set roles, except that he deals with most of the A/V and wifi issues, not because I can't but mostly because they bother him more. I do most of the cooking and cleaning because I care about that stuff more. I also do most of the home improvement things because I have the know how. We really don't have much of a traditional marriage though and sometimes I come home from work and he's cleaned the kitchen and started dinner. It makes my girlfriends jealous, but they probably wouldn't be so jealous if they thought about all the heavy lifting and dirty, sweaty, manual labor I put into gutting and renovating that kitchen. It's not that our roles are reversed so much as the lines between them are a complete blur. I think it's mostly because in general I (as an individual) defy common categorizations.
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