The Post in Which I Celebrate My Fat Ass With Some Fat Ass Soup...

I think that they're something quite pleasant about a gal with a little junk in her trunk, let me just throw that out there right away. It gives you a little protection from hard plastic chairs, keeps you from injuring more than your dignity when you fall on the ice, and gives your gentleman something to snuggle up to at night. However, it's an unfortunate and incontrovertible fact that if you spend too much time sitting around on it, your butt will generally grow to the point that you can show movies on it.

That's what's been sneaking up on me the last few weeks, as I try and recover from my ungraceful tumble in the Ladies room.

I can't recall now if I mentioned it, but about one month ago, while at cadet camp, I took a swan dive in a puddle of water on the concrete floor of the bathroom in the middle of the night. The good doctor thinks I've torn my meniscus (the cartilage in my knee) and I've basically been out of commission for the last four weeks. I very well may need surgery to repair that which I have wrought.

So, what does a normally pretty active gal do when suddenly forced to use her treadmill as a clothing rack, rather than for what it was intended?

Well, turns out she eats. A lot. And not spinach, either, mostly potato chips and beer as she wallows in her own woe-is-me misery.

OK, stop. It's one thing to stumble, another thing to wallow. Time to nip this thing in it's tracks before I end up a five hundred pound girl-mountain that needs to wash my ass with a sponge on a stick. Three or four pounds is much easier to deal with than fifty.

When I've indulged a little too much, I like to whip up a batch of delicious, filling, but low-calorie Fatass Soup. This soup is so yummy that it feels like a treat to eat it. It's made up of primarily low calorie, non-starchy vegetables, with a little corn and lentils thrown in for variety and protein. (In fact, the average woman at my weight needs 54 grams of protein. I would get more than this if all I ate was 1500 calories of this soup! I would also get 48 grams of fibre. Wow, this soup rocks the party! I don't recommend that all you eat is this soup, however, cuz you would likely get bored and possibly even fart a lot. But two or three servings a day can certainly help trim off a pound or two.)

Tracy's Fatass Soup

Get yourself a large pot, and put in it:

1 tsp olive oil (Don't skip this! You need a little fat in your diet to help absorb vitamins A, D, E and K)

1 tbsp water or vegetable broth

1 large onion, diced

8 large mushrooms, sliced

1/2 cup red bell pepper, diced

~Saute until onions are translucent!!~

Add:

1 706 ml can diced tomatoes. (I puree them right in the can. You can leave them chunky if you wish.)

1 1/2 cans water

1/2 cup fresh green beans, in pieces

1/4 cup corn niblets

2 Tbsp red lentils

1/2 tsp marjoram

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 tsp Italian seasoning

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp paprika

1/3 tsp black pepper

Allow to simmer for about 40 minutes, adding a little extra water if it starts to get too thick. About half way through cooking time, add:

10 sticks of whole wheat spaghetti, broken into pieces. Once soup is done and vegetables are soft, then add :

1 cup shredded fresh spinach

Allow the spinach to wilt into soup. Serves six lunch time portions, three dinner portions.

Eat, and watch your caboose disappear. Peace!

FitWatch Recipe Analyzer - Fatass Soup (serves 6) Nutrition Facts Amount per serving Calories: 99.5 kcal Water 197.55 g Carbohydrate (75%) g Protein (13%) 4.59 g Total Fat (12%) 1.38 g Monounsaturated 0.64 g Polyunsaturated 0.37 g Saturated 0.21 g Cholesterol 0 g Dietary Fibre 3.24 g Vitamins Vitamin A 1159.05 IU Thiamine 0.16 mg Riboflavin 0.23 mg Niacin 2.73 mg Pantothenic acid 0.75 mg Vitamin B6 0.21 mg Folate 44.3 mcg Vitamin B12 0.01 mcg Vitamin C 39.21 mg Vitamin E 1.52 mg ATE Minerals Calcium 62.67 mg Iron 2.69 mg Magnesium 39.75 mg Phosphorus 96.43 mg Potassium 517.82 mg Sodium 289.25 mg Zinc 0.8 mg Copper 0.34 mg